A/N: I am grateful to purpleC305 for pre-reading and Midnight Cougar for beta-ing. Your never wavering support makes Edward smile. Thank you. xx
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I’m just here having fun.
“A strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink.” – Gina Carey
“Bella, what is it? Tell me what’s wrong,” Alice pleads.
We’ve decided to meet for breakfast at a little outdoor café in our neighborhood this morning. I’m sure she can tell by my red-rimmed eyes I’ve been crying. I slipped out of the house undetected by Edward, hoping to avoid him and his questioning looks.
I choke out a sob and shake my head, then use my napkin; trying to fix the hot mess that I’m turning out to be this morning.
“Is it Edward? Did he do something? Has he hurt you?” she questions.
I gasp for air, hoping a few deep breaths will help me answer, but I end up crying harder. She moves to the chair beside me and puts her arm around my back, rubbing soothing circles.
“Sweetheart, I can’t help you, if you won’t tell me.”
“It’s… it’s… Edward.”
Alice pushes my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “What about Edward?”
“And… and… me.”
Her eyes search my face for answers. “Are you having troubles? Maybe Jasper and I can help.”
I shake my head, trying to stop crying. “No, no t-troubles.”
Alice appears thoughtful for a few moments, then seems to have an idea. She lowers her voice. “Are you pregnant?”
Her question sets me off on another round of ugly sobbing, and I try to dry my tears with another napkin. “No. Not pregnant.”
“Then what is it?”
“I got my period this morning.”
Alice’s face changes from worried to confused. “That’s a good thing? Right?”
I shrug, taking some big breaths. “If you’d asked me months ago, I would have said it was, but now, I don’t think it is.”
“Are you guys trying to get pregnant?” she wonders.
I let out another deep sigh. “Not exactly.”
“What do you mean? You’re not pregnant, but you’re not trying to get pregnant. What birth control are you using? Maybe it’s your hormone levels and your doctor can adjust it for you.”
I shake my head back and forth adamantly. “We’re not using birth control. Edward didn’t want to use it. So we haven’t. Ever.”
Alice’s face transforms to one of shock. “Edward is trying to get you pregnant? And you don’t want to be pregnant? I’m sorry, Bella, but clearly, my brother is a jerk.”
“No, no. That’s not it either,” I try to explain. ”At first, I wasn’t sure, and he said we could do whatever I wanted. The past couple of months have been—” I pause, trying to find the right words. “Let’s just say, I don’t see how I could not be pregnant at this point.”
“Ah, I see. Now, you think the birth control discussion was pointless because you’re afraid that you can’t get pregnant.”
I nod. “I think I’ll lose him.”
“Bella, my brother is undeniably in love with you whether you can have kids or not. He wouldn’t leave you.”
“You don’t know that, Alice. People change their minds when they find out their options are limited.” Rubbing my hands over my face in exasperation, I chuckle; even though, there isn’t anything funny about the situation. “I was so stupid. Here I was worried I would get pregnant, but all along the jokes been on me. I’m starting to think I will never get pregnant.”
“Edward told you he wanted kids from the start?” Alice asks.
“Not exactly. He just said he wasn’t going to do anything to prevent me from getting pregnant unless that’s what I wanted.” I take another big breath. “And for the past couple of months, he keeps buying pregnancy tests, leaving them in the bathroom drawer.”
“Have you used them?”
I nod. “I keep thinking maybe it’s just spotting, and I could actually be pregnant. If he’s buying tests, it means he’s hoping for them to be positive, right?”
“Or he just wants to give you some peace of mind one way or the other.”
I nod and blot my eyes. “Unfortunately, it’s making me a wreck each month.”
“Hey.” Alice reaches over to hold my hand. “You’re young. You don’t know there is anything wrong, and you’ve been having normal periods, right?”
“Well, let’s not jump the gun. You shouldn’t put this kind of pressure on yourself. Give it time. Have some fun. And maybe, you should talk to Edward about your concerns.”
“I’ll talk to him. It’s just that everything is so good between us.” I sigh. “I don’t want this to be an issue and I lose him because I can’t… I can’t be the woman he needs.”
“I’m sure he will tell you that you are exactly what he needs. Don’t doubt him. If you find out for some reason you can’t have children, there are lots of options out there.”
“Did you and Jasper choose to wait?”
“Yes, we wanted time together. I was taking birth control pills for years, then we decided one day to start trying for a baby. Bella, it took us a year for me to become pregnant.”
“I know.” She lovingly rubs her tummy. “But now, we’re ready, and I can’t wait to meet this little one. It will work out for the two of you, and before you know it, you will be begging us to take your kids for the weekend so the two of you can have some peace and time alone. The best advice I can tell you Bella is not to rush it. There’s plenty of time for you to have kids naturally or with the help of your doctor, plus there’s always adoption.”
“You’re right. Talk to Edward. Don’t freak out. We have options. Okay. I think I can do this.”
Alice leans over and gives me a hug. “Now, let’s figure out what we’re going to eat. I’m starving and Jasper isn’t here, so I’m ready to order everything on the menu.”
I chuckle. “What are you thinking about ordering? I have such a sweet tooth it guides most of my selections. He doesn’t say anything, but I know it drives Edward crazy.”
Before Alice gets a chance to reply, I hear an unwelcoming voice from behind me. “Well, isn’t this cozy?”
I turn and see Rosalie standing just outside the gated seating area.
She looks at the two of us with her hands on her hips before letting her eyes scan over my face. “Let me guess, Edward finally decided to dump you and now you’re pleading your case to Alice. Always the manipulator, huh Bella? Work every angle.”
Alice speaks up. “Rosalie, funny seeing you here. I thought you were in New York.”
“I was, but I’m here to see Emmett. I went by his apartment and he wasn’t there. I tried calling, but it just goes to voicemail.”
“I would say then you’re out of luck. Now, if you will excuse us, we were having a private breakfast together.” Alice dismisses her with a wave of her hand.
“You wouldn’t happen to know where he is? I need to talk to him,” Rosalie pushes.
“No, Rosalie. I don’t.” Alice huffs. “Perhaps, when you decided to break up with him, he thought that meant you were through. You know, as in your relationship is over.”
“Well, maybe I can go by your folks and see if they know anything.”
“You could do that, but they’re on vacation in Europe. Good luck to you and have a nice life.”
Rosalie lets out a loud sigh, turns on her heel, then stomps off down the street.
I try to suppress the giggles that are threatening to bubble up, but one look from Alice, and I can’t hold them back. Soon we are both smiling and laughing.
“I don’t know why she feels the need to be such a bitch all of the time.” Alice rolls her eyes.
I shrug. “Some people can’t help who they are. It’s funny because Edward and I have both talked about how if it wasn’t for her we might not be together.”
“Oh, Bella. You don’t really mean that, do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“I believe you were meant to be together, and at the same time, you becoming a part of our family brought Emmett back to us too. At the very least, it started everything in motion, and we are all grateful for that. He’s really turning into such a better version of himself.” She looks down the street where Rosalie made her hasty departure. “I just don’t want him to fall back into his old ways and habits. Rosalie isn’t good for him. She runs with the wrong crowd, if you know what I mean.”
“I’m not sure that I do.”
“Well, she has quite a reputation as a party girl in New York. She will do anything or anyone. I caught her in the bathroom at Mom and Dad’s house.”
Alice nods. “Drugs. Coke, I think. Who knows how long she’s been using, and I hope to God that Emmett hasn’t been a part of that scene. But then, I wonder how could he not be, if they’ve been together for so long?”
“I had no idea.”
“I think Emmett wanted it to be just the two of them, but she’s willing to do whatever it takes to advance her career. And now, she’s back sniffing around, so who knows what that means.”
“Well, I certainly wasn’t going to tell her where he is. I’ve seen a huge change in him, and he and Edward are really starting to repair their relationship.”
“I agree.” Alice looks over her menu. “Man, I would love to have eggs benedict, but Jasper would freak if I went near an uncooked egg.”
“I’m sorry, Alice, but I can’t say that sounds good. I love their cinnamon rolls, so I think I will go with one of those.”
As if on cue, our waiter arrives. “Are you ladies ready to order?”
After my early morning breakfast with Alice, I’m feeling more confident about talking with Edward about what’s bothering me. I let myself back into the house as quietly as possible, hoping Edward isn’t awake yet and maybe I can grab a quick shower.
I slip into our bedroom and find him still asleep with the covers just past his waist, revealing his mouthwatering tattooed upper body. Silently, I move past the bed and into the bathroom, starting up the shower. I hope that I can finish quickly and still have time to wake him up this morning in one of his favorite ways. It always puts him in a more agreeable mood.
With the steam filling the room, I let out a moan when I step under the hot water, letting the jets pound away at the muscles of my back. My lower back aches, but the water seems to be having a wonderful effect on me.
I hear the door to the shower open and look over to see my favorite sight: naked Edward. He steps into the stream, soaking his hair and body, then pulls my back against his chest and turns us around facing the stream of water.
He kisses my shoulder. “Are you okay?” His hands glide over my body, allowing me to relax further at his simple touch.
I nod my head as his hands move to hold my breasts gently, squeezing them as his mouth begins to place small kisses along my neck. One hand moves farther down my body, and I know where he’s headed.
He stops his movement.
“I started my period this morning,” I whisper.
I know he’s heard my warning, but he continues to move his hand between my legs anyway.
I put my hand on his, stopping him again.
“Bella, a little blood isn’t going to bother me.” His fingers move along my slit, working their way farther past the outer folds until he finds my clit, easily moving his fingers between there and my opening. “Let me make you feel good.”
“Oh, Edward.” I gasp at his magical touch as my breathing accelerates, and I know I’m putty in his hands. He has no trouble bringing me to orgasm with practiced ease.
We change positions, and he spins me so my back is against the cold tile wall. His hands lift my legs so they are dangling over his bended arms, and he pins me in position while I wrap my arms over his shoulders and around his neck.
I moan in relief once he thrusts inside of me, and Edward lets out his own growl at the overwhelming feelings.
“Mmmm, Bella. You feel so good. Always so tight and warm.”
With his face buried in my neck, occasionally leaving nibbles and kisses there, Edward drives into me repeatedly chasing his own orgasm as I feel mine build once more.
His beard tickles my neck and chest as his lips leave no skin untouched. “Come on, baby, one more.” His pace quickens, and I’m helpless to the way my body responds to him. I feel the warm rush of pleasure throughout my body as my toes curl and my hips push out away from the wall, seeking more and finding it as I fall over into complete oblivion for a second time.
Edward relentlessly pounds into my body as if his life depends on it, and soon, he’s releasing everything he has inside me with a great ferocity as his roar echoes off the bathroom walls.
I’m boneless pinned between him and the wall, but he lowers my feet to the tile floor slowly.
After several lingering kisses, Edward slips from my body, grabs the soap and a washcloth, and proceeds to clean every inch of me. We trade places, and he shampoos my hair, letting his strong fingers massage my neck and scalp until I doubt my ability to stand upright any longer.
“Put your arms around me. I’ve got you,” he whispers, then continues conditioning my hair, and finally rinsing my entire body.
I lean up on my tiptoes and kiss his lips. “Thank you.”
“Do you need me to help dry you off?” he offers.
I shake my head and smile. “I’ve got it. You finish your shower. I’ll see you in a bit.”
I open the door and step out onto the rug, which Edward covered with a foot towel, and grab one of the bath towels to get dry before I start to chill. I look back at the shower and see Edward busy with scrubbing his hair, then take out and insert a tampon.
If I asked, I’m sure he would do this for me too.
I shake my head over the fact that he knows no bounds when it comes to my body.
I wrap up in my cozy robe and tie it at the waist. After putting my hair up in a towel, I leave the bathroom and curl up in our bed.
My pillow smells like Edward’s comforting scent, causing me to drift off for a bit, but I do hear when Edward turns off the water. He opens the door and does a quick check to find me in our bed.
When he is mostly dry, he walks out of the bathroom and joins me under the covers, wrapping me up in his warm embrace.
He leaves a kiss on the top of my head, then moves to my temple, before placing his fingers under my chin tilting my head to him. He kisses my lips gently, then pulls back to examine my face.
I hope he can’t tell that I’ve been crying this morning, but I’m an open book of emotions right now. So, I’m sure he’s concerned with what he finds.
“Tell me, Bella,” he prompts.
I shrug and start to feel a lump forming in my throat. My eyes well with tears, but I can’t help how my emotions are all over the map.
“Bella,” Edward warns, “I want to know why you’re upset.”
I squeak out in a tiny voice. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Lose me? ” His face reflects his confusion. “You know that isn’t going to happen.”
I breathe deeply. “Edward, what if I can’t have kids?”
“Bella, why would you ever think that?” He pushes my hair away from my face.
“I got my period this morning, which means I’m not pregnant.”
“Edward, don’t you think it’s a little unusual that we’re having sex constantly, and not once, in all of those times, have I gotten pregnant or was even late.” I sit up and continue. “Some girls get pregnant the first time they have sex, but clearly, that’s not me. So, all my concerns and worries about getting pregnant with you were for nothing. I must be broken. Too broken for you. And you deserve someone who can give you what you want.”
My tears are now pouring down my face as I sob loudly.
Edward sits up. “Hey, hey.” He pulls me tightly against him. “I didn’t know you wanted to try to get pregnant.”
I throw my arms up in the air. “Edward, honestly, I have no idea what I want or what I’m doing.” I wail. “I just don’t want to lose you, and I’m afraid I will.”
He pulls me to where I’m sitting across his lap as he leans back against the upholstered headboard. “First, you aren’t going to lose me. If anything, you’re going to get sick of me. I can be very set in my ways sometimes, Bella.”
“But what about—”
He places a finger over my lips. “Second, I want everything with you. If that means we have kids naturally or by some other means, then so be it. I would never leave you or stop loving you because you weren’t able to have kids. You’re stuck with me, and I hope you will let me show you how much I love you every single day, because I will never stop reminding you.”
“Edward.” I gasp in relief, because his reassurances are exactly what I need.
“Now, let’s talk about you being a mom. I thought you weren’t ready. Has that changed?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I panicked this morning when I got my period.” I let out a sigh. “Which makes me feel like a huge failure. I mean I know we weren’t technically trying, but we weren’t doing anything to prevent it either. And that got me thinking that maybe there’s something wrong with me. I want to be perfect for you.”
“Bella, you are perfect for me. I hope someday you will understand that. I feel like the luckiest man alive because I get to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night next to you.”
“Edward.” I whisper his name reverently, because when he says things like that I’m completely taken back.
He holds my hand then brings the back of it up to his lips, leaving a tender kiss there. “I love you, Bella. It’s a fact that isn’t ever going to change.”
I place a soft kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”
The emotional upheaval of the morning and shower sex with Edward leaves me feeling completely depleted. However, he seems to be winding up with the possibilities.
“If we’re going to try to have a baby, maybe we should start tracking your cycle using one of those ovulation and fertility trackers.”
“Maybe,” I agree softly.
He shifts us in the bed and pulls the covers up around us, then we snuggle together.
“You know, diet is important too, Bella. Maybe you should cut down on sweets and exercise regularly.”
I look at him over my shoulder as if he’s lost his mind. “Let’s not get crazy. I can’t believe you want to take away my sugary happiness.” I pout and try to turn the tables on him. “How about we do a sperm count and make sure you’re not shooting blanks?”
“Bella, I’m willing to do or count anything for you, but I’m positive my sperm are overachievers.” He gives me a knowing grin.
I chuckle because of course he would believe that to be true.
Edward grinds his hips into my ass, and I feel him hardening once again. The excitement in his voice is apparent. “Bella, all of this talk about getting you pregnant is turning me on more than normal.”
“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. I’m exhausted and doctors’ appointments are the first order of business for both of us.”
We are quiet for a while, pondering the huge step we are considering taking. I’m about to drift off for a mid-morning nap when Edward speaks up again.
“And vitamins. You should start taking vitamins. Alice once said folic acid is important. I’m not sure what that is, but I’ll double-check it.” He hugs me tightly and leaves a kiss on my shoulder. “It’s all going to be okay, Bella. Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”